It really hurt my feelings. Why risk giving this horrible disease to a child in the name of selfishness to want a baby? While some antidepressants don’t seem to pose these risks, antipsychotics can be dangerous. Of course treatment outcomes are much faster now. I love the thought of adopting a child someday, but I also realize that it will take me many years to grieve my profound yet intangible loss; I will be missing out on something truly beautiful. What are my chances of passing this on, and could it potentially get worse? I am at a point where I can feel his racing thoughts . I will still consider having children despite the genetic predisposition because I know what to look out for. It made me maintain my health and illness at all times. –Bend, OR, There are so many questions to ask yourself: Will the child have bp? That will make it easier for you to develop a plan to help keep you and your baby safe. There are so many deserving children out there.” It has always been her way of reminding me that there is no good reason for me to procreate. Raising one child with a supportive spouse was challenging. I couldn’t imagine passing this illness along to a future generation. I asked my husband the other day what we would do if I accidentally became pregnant. I am worried to have kids and can’t handle the kids and go off meds and worst give the kids the mental illness I am suffering. Symptoms may be confused as postpartum depression, which is a common mental health illness experienced by many women after having a baby. Scientists are still investigating the genetic relationship to bipolar disorder. –Hollis, NY, I was diagnosed with bipolar a year and a half ago. –Belleville, MI, I have a maternal cousin with bp and many siblings with major depression. But to continue on this genetic line from hell is questionable to me. We have two successful sons: a music minister and a radiologist. My eldest sister committed suicide. With regard to the former, if he/she was asymptomatic prior to exposure to the bad environment, it is possible that the two could be correlated. If I had known I had bipolar eight years ago, I probably would have chosen to not have children. A ketogenic diet may help control symptoms of bipolar disorder, but it’s not a guarantee. Looking back, for me it was a good decision not to have another child. I had postpartum depression both times, and I was diagnosed with OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) in between. I wish someone had told me this earlier—maybe I wouldn’t have suffered as much! Bipolar disorder has not and should not be allowed to quench it. The personality traits of entrepreneurs and those with bipolar frequently overlap; experts say embracing both strengths and vulnerabilities is key to success. and perspective, but in several cases, instead found negativity and judgment. I think we need to extend our definition of what family and community and mothering mean, and we will all find ourselves a lot better off. Stigma stings, but when it happens in your own backyard—our own families and friends not accepting us—it is especially hard to take. Can a Ketogenic Diet Help Treat Bipolar Disorder? –Ottawa, ON, Our two bipolar LD-ADHD girls are doing well in college. I don’t want this! –Chinle, AZ, I’ve always wanted to have children. Updated: 27 th April, 2017. Building and maintaining your marriage when your spouse has bipolar can be challenging. All rights reserved. Other medications used in the treatment of bipolar disorder may also be harmful to the fetus. –Austin, TX, Family history impacted my decision to remain childless. And he hasn’t blown town with a younger woman on his arm. how well your bipolar disorder is managed. I Went Off My Depression Meds to Get Pregnant, and This Is What Happened, Please Stop Believing These 8 Harmful Bipolar Disorder Myths, 10 Alternative Treatments for Bipolar Disorder, How I Keep My Confidence While Having an Invisible Illness, Why We Need to Talk About Depression During Pregnancy. There are many illnesses and disorders that can affect a child, and I feel that at least with my personal experience and knowledge, I can teach my children to listen to themselves and I can watch for signs or symptoms. Aside from concerns during pregnancy, there’s some risks for a mother and her baby’s well-being immediately after labor. I wanted my child to have a set of parents united in raising him, and the chance for a secure family life. But I was doing it for the baby. The most important action a bipolar patient who is contemplating pregnancy or who becomes pregnant can take is to partner with a physician team with expertise in bipolar pregnant physiology. My husband is bipolar his mother has depression and is bipolar. Eventually I found an excellent psychiatrist, after suffering through a string of horrible ones. The short answer to “Has it had an impact in your decision?”: No. I am terrified to have a child. –Hanover, MA, I was 19 and completely ignorant about the genetics of mental illness when my son was born. On other days, you might feel irritable and down. Bipolar disorder (BPD) is ... % to 30% of women with BPD who are pregnant. I entered both of those marriages trying to see what my wife could do for me. I have a son from a previous marriage and we've just recently found out I'm expecting (planned). The narrative simply became, “They divorced because Gabe has bipolar disorder.” Wife #3, bipolar disorder, and final thoughts. First, there’s a concern about certain medications being transmitted from the mother to her baby via breast milk. I recently married and have decided to adopt if we want a child. Doctors advised Amy to go off her depression medication in order to get pregnant, but that wasn't the solution that worked for her. The researchers say that doctors need to educate the entire family on the coping skills they will need to live with this condition. Your concern early on will be how to raise your children in a happy, healthy environment and make them feel secure, even when one of their parents is behaving strangely. It takes a lot of love patients and incredible amount of open communication . –Springfield, VA, My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant while dealing with the complex issues of bipolar disorder. Good Luck! She is making A’s and B’s in her school, plays volleyball and basketball, and takes hip-hop classes. If you have BD and plan to have a baby, try to plan your pregnancy ahead of time with some help from your doctor. That and bp run in my family. Even so, I’m glad I do have children. That hurts. Symptoms include severe mania or depression that starts within two to three days after delivery. Raising mentally ill children ages 2 to 9 is one of the most heartbreaking things a mother or father could do. You may not even realize that you're buying into these damaging falsehoods that are spreading the stigma of bipolar disorder. I worry about being able to provide good care to my baby once he is born. I strongly believe that people with bipolar or schizophrenia should not reproduce. But I grieve for what I have done to them. Despite this, I’ve made the decision not to because to me the risk of passing on this disease is way too high. –Anchorage, AK, My kids are grown now. My father was diagnosed bipolar also. ARTICLE ; Love and Being ‘Worth It’ Carin Meyer. deleted_user 07/10/2007. I get angry with myself and with the disease that has taken the one thing in life that I have wanted most—to be called “Mother,” but I know it’s the right decision for me and the child. Blogs and Articles. Understanding bipolar disorder. Get all the information you need and then follow your heart. I know abortion is a sensitive issue, and I don’t think it should be taken lightly. He doesn’t see himself a father and we start our relationship. –Grayslake, IL, I’m 35 and a father of four. I feel a sense of responsibility to work daily at being a functional, stable mother. This can be extremely dangerous for both mother and baby. When I sometimes feel sad about not having my own, I look at them and feel so much gratitude. The key to surviving postpartum depression is to not breast-feed, and to take the prescribed medications immediately after the birth so you can bond. Having her made me realize that I have to live my life the best way I can and there is no room for impulsive decisions or inappropriate friends. But if I had known starting out that I had bp, I don’t know that I would have had kids. I worry about being able to provide good care to my baby once he is born. Mood stabilizers, such as divalproex-sodium (Depakote) or lithium (Eskalith), may be dangerous to a developing fetus. Psalm 127:3 says children are a gift from God, and they are a reward. For mood disorders like depression and bipolar disorder, genes are an important risk factor. I love all my children dearly. My key to dealing with bipolar illness and motherhood is my very supportive husband, good medical team, and my faith in God. But that always stuck with me. I was diagnosed at 23 and went through four years of turmoil before finally getting my life on track again. The rules of marriage don’t change just because I’m a person living with bipolar disorder. I would be skeptical of my own ability to raise a child because of the pregnancy hormones, the possibility of postpartum depression, and my everyday mood swings. Mental illness runs in my family. Maybe if you could find out about what services are available nearby, should the need arise; that would help to put your mind at ease. Their presence has forced me to go way beyond what I thought I was capable of in terms of my recovery. But, given that I have bipolar disorder, none of those questions were asked. I wish there were more careful screenings for postpartum depression, and possibly bipolar, earlier. I could never intentionally subject anyone to bipolar and its lifestyle before medication and treatment. I am now 49 and childless by choice, as I was fearful of going off meds during pregnancy and what my disease would be like for a child raised by me. They insist they are not “crazy” like me. My grandmother had bipolar disorder and experienced a long hospital stay postpartum, leaving her newborn with family members for more than six months. –Wakarusa, KS, There are at least three members of my family who are bipolar, and this, together with the intensity of my own illness, very much influences my decision to not have my own children. My oldest is just 7. The precise effects are unclear, however. Last medically reviewed on October 19, 2017. Pregnant people who eat well and exercise regularly along with regular prenatal care are less likely to have complications during pregnancy. He asked me to have an abortion 2 days ago. My husband had an affair off/on for 3 years and she got pregnant. Bipolar disorder is a mental health condition marked by intense mood changes. Today, I know I’m more than my condition. Postpartum psychosis is a rare, but serious condition that requires emergency treatment. The type with delusions and psychosis. Do I want grandkids? He knows I have Bipolar and we’re still in the relationship. –Gilbert, AZ, Yes, the genetic predisposition, along with the fact that I am bipolar, will cause me to not have children. We have a really good relationship, the problem is kids. I’m not going to lie. Healthline Media does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Your kids (we have four) will cure you of selfishness and give you and others a reason to live. Truth is, most people can say they’ve been there, done that. I think that was the wake up call for him as this prompted him to start going to therapy and got diagnosed with bipolar 2. My hudband suffer from depresdion for a long time now. I am grateful to be alive and stable with good professional help and friends whose children bring joy into my life. If you get help - you will benefit, but also your husband will benefit from this. If you already have one child with BP, there is a 15% to 25% chance that another of your children will also have it. This is true whether you have BD or not. If your parent has an illness, it can have a lasting impact on the immediate family. Going on a shopping spree. Bipolar disorder (BD), previously called manic depressive disorder, is one of the most difficult mental health conditions to treat. Why would I want to inflict this torture on another human being? Pregnancy involves hormonal changes that can affect your mood. I have one daughter who is exactly like me with all the classic signs of bipolar and she is now 25. All rights reserved. Assuming the baby is his, then if you're going to continue to have a relationship with this man, I think you have to accept the fact that he has another child that he's responsible for. There’s only so many burritos you can eat, and comic books are about $3 each. They are adults and won’t hear of getting help for their problems. Being the spouse of a bipolar husband means a marriage with bipolar disorder. At age 32, with no prospects for marriage and several other medical considerations, I made a well-informed choice. –Richardson, TX, I was diagnosed with bipolar at age 21. –Chicago, IL, I have a bipolar disorder. In fact, he has pretty inexpensive tastes, and most of his free money goes to burritos and comic books. When you have young children, you generally don't have to worry about them developing bipolar themselves until they are at least twelve years old. I’m not going to Check out the articles below for personal stories, practical advice and tips on maintaining healthy relationships with your husband, wife or partner. They should learn what it means that their father is bipolar. But we did salvage it after meds and two and a half years of separation. It hasn't been a huge issue until very recently. When pleasurable pastimes like shopping, gaming, or online socializing cross the line from enjoyable to excessive, it may be time to tame your overindulgences. My husband worries about this, too. I can’t imagine trading those good times for anything in the world … yet, I hesitate. –Davis, CA, I do not know if I will have children. Also, I would like to sign up for bphope's FREE e-Newsletters. And that includes a child that could possibly inherent the predisposition toward being bipolar and/or the problems that arise from my personally having the disease and it’s unfair affects on the child. My mother is a paranoid schizophrenic. If so, will the spouse be able to handle two bipolars? I know she’ll have a better life than I’ve had; she is a strong child and knows what she wants in life. I feel cheated but I am thankful to have been on medication and stable for almost eight years. It was such a shock learning all of this while I thought our marriage was overall happy with normal fights. He didn’t actually say it, but “abortion” was written all over his face. I openly have him discuss his feelings and help guide him , He is an amazing dad and husband with the proper sleep and meds . Teach your children about bipolar disorder. –Merrimack, NH, It’s definitely something to give serious consideration to. There are a lot of children already in this world, and adoption or mentoring are two good choices. © 2005-2021 Healthline Media a Red Ventures Company. Bipolar Husband, Wife, Parent. November 11, 2020. –Arlington, VA, My husband and I found peace in knowing that no matter what, we would love and care for a child. There are also certain behaviors that come with having a spouse with bipolar that you have to learn to deal with sometimes. We have been very blessed with few complications and a healthy baby and would like to let others know it is possible with the right medical team. I would like to have children someday, but my main concern are my medications, most of which would be harmful during pregnancy or would pass through breast milk. I started taking a mood stabilizer from a psychiatrist, but I’m worried it’s not helping with the hypersexuality. I’d like to believe that with the right therapy and a supportive network, even without certain meds for a period of time, one can take each day one at a time and provide a special level of empathy to his or her child who may or may not also struggle with mental health. Perinatal depression is depression during pregnancy, and it's a very real and serious illness many women experience — often alone. I also knew that sleep deprivation and trying to take care of a baby were other potential triggers and that my illness could make life unpredictable and difficult. If you have children, then you shouldn’t hide your husband’s bipolar disorder from your children. When people have bipolar disorder, they think, feel and act differently from how they do when they’re well. –Leonardtown, MD, Our daughter is 3 months old. i think about it all of the time. –Kingston, NY, After introducing my new boyfriend to my grandmother, I knew what to expect: “You two could adopt a child someday. –Oakland, CA, I definitely made a decision in my late 20s not to have children because of my bipolar disorder. After all, if committing to decades of, in the words of author Elizabeth... Download bp's latest issue instantly to your tablet or smartphone. It was very scary. Yes, the road has been rocky, but we made it to the top of the hill and now are enjoying each other’s company. –San Francisco, CA, With my first child, I had an extended postpartum depression. Stigma, no matter where it comes from, is insensitive and dehumanizing. Very much. A child of one parent with bipolar disorder and one without has a 15% to 30% chance of having BP. I realize now that I needed as much sleep as my baby did. Will it impact our lives? It’s not clear how bipolar disorder itself can affect fetal development. 1 decade ago. This is how I got to where…. If both parents have bipolar disorder, there's a 50% to 75% chance that a child of theirs will, too. –DeSoto, TX, Code: bphopekids These medications include some: To help prevent fetal complications, you musttell your obstetrician about all the medications you take for BD. As a newly diagnosed, childfree woman (BP2) weighing options for motherhood, I came here for hope (imagine that!) Your medical team will help you weigh the benefits versus the risks of stopping your medications during pregnancy. I definitely wouldn’t want to put my children through the same things I went through. We already had two children and a third on the way before we found out the first two had mood disorders (one bipolar, the other undetermined). Spending hours on a video game. Please do not use your full name, as it will be displayed. I am not worried about my daughter getting the illness at this time; if she does, I have the tools to help her. People with the illness switch back and forth from mania or hypomania (an emotional state of being energetic and gleeful or sometimes aggressive or delusional) to having episodes of depression. Sleep is a must, as well as having help in taking care of the baby. I do empathize with painful memories and fear of passing struggles on to my child, and the guilt and difficulty that would bring….which is why I’m here. Though I do worry about their future, I know to teach them to watch for the warning signs. The risk is greater if BD is left untreated during pregnancy. I am grateful to have a wonderful son who needs our undivided attention. They should also be taught how society views mental illness, bipolar in particular, and help them come up with coping skills. Some days, you might feel on top of the world. I am very happy to have her, but since learning about my bipolar disorder and reflecting on how hard my life has been because of it, I have decided not to have any more children. Understanding bipolar disorder. I am mourning my husband, Jeff. Each of my daughters brings her unique self to this world, and I am glad I didn’t have the option of considering whether or not to deprive the world of their light. –Mountlake Terrace, WA, Why would a bp not have kids? My problem is the severity of my illness, not the illness’s genetic predisposition. –Montreal, QC, Had I known how inheritable bipolar disorder was; had I known my husband and I would create beautiful but sick and suffering children—I would not have chosen to have children. –Placentia, CA, I have always wanted children. Never once. Looking for encouragement, if there is any to be had. I have been married 9 years and have 3 boys with my husband and let me say it's been a tough road. My bipolar husband is currently crashing after a manic 8 days. I have a 12-year-old son from my first marriage. Continuing BD treatment during pregnancy may decrease the risk for related relapse, however. –North Port, FL, Predisposition to bipolar, depression, OCD, anxiety, and SAD has affected my choice in not having children. Since my first experience with psychosis and the diagnosis of bp I, there is no way I would ever be so selfish and bring another person into this world knowing that they may have to go through the same hell. –DeSoto, IL, My husband and I have been married for 44 years. Learn which alternative treatments may help with bipolar disorder. What are the telltale early symptoms of pregnancy? 0 0. This is why I gave my baby to the adoptive parents of my choice when he was 4 days old. Women may find that pregnancy can alter their mood. After extensive research on bipolar pregnancies and outcomes, my partner and I have chosen to adopt a child from Africa or China. My own health is the most important thing; if I don’t have that, then how can I take care of another human being? This is especially true if your parent has difficulty managing their illness. –Novato, CA, Unfortunately, my diagnosis came too late for me to consider whether to have children. Our plates are full taking care of me and what the future will bring for him. Starts off with insomnia and trouble getting motivated, through to exhaustion then hyper mania for a few months then onto the downward spiral to depression. I did suffer postpartum depression during the first month, but was able to get stable with med changes. Hi there, my husband has had bipolar disorder for over 20 years, wasn't so noticeable or frequent years ago but as he gets older, there are 2-3 major episodes each year. Giving them a better life to all women: good luck and God be you. Like me to resolve by 12 months of age getting help for their problems the question, Spring! That people with bipolar or schizophrenia should not be allowed to quench it disorder ) between. A secure family life BD, pregnancy can be dangerous to a developing fetus addendum my. Was manic, hyper, psychotic, paranoid, and products are for informational purposes.... 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